Burnt Umber (For Tamara)

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/charlespoet/episodes/2018-02-22T23_37_41-08_00

Cover the sky in smoky shyness

Walk by the water and drowned in another artist’s heavy words

One line at a time until you climb out of your madness like Spiderman

Stalled in the everyday desolation of evil flowers smelled and spat out

Normalcy coopted by orange greed and pistols popping no longer turns our stomachs

She was a good girl before she started shooting heroin into her apple pie veins

First worlds are all the shit until they’re not

Third worlds move up the ladder like a repairman on the take

I’m just another wanna be human desiring human companionship

Throw another Molotov cocktail into the unexamined crowd

Learn to do without oxygen as air pollution cleans all of our grandfather clocks

When she sat on my face and smiled I knew I could retire my bucket list for good

Uncover the hallowed ground and wish upon a heap of innocent starlings

Chase your blues away by opening the window and not jumping to your death

Let me come to you with only my words and I promise to keep you laughing

Charles Cicirella

2/22/18

Peacefully Coexist

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/charlespoet/episodes/2018-02-11T07_41_34-08_00

Watching Strange Weather and eating chocolate Oreos

I am waking up to the very real possibility I’m slipping away

The truth hits me likes waves upon the craggy rocks

I cannot escape these impenetrable feelings that I have wronged myself in some way

I stopped reading my horoscope because I was tired of the future staring me in the face

The pygmy goat across the hall kept me awake morning, noon and night with its crying

I treasured the time we spent together until our treasure chest became an albatross around both of our necks

I wore a big cross and traveled down south like a pseudo gentile in search of something concrete or at the very least solid enough to keep my monsters at bay

You wore a wig hat and acted all high and mighty like a servant of God or music critic

After licking the chocolate off my fingers I took a sip of root beer and turned down the thermostat

Let’s remember who we are and that when times are tough its best to hunker down like a reformed saint

Politicians can all bite me for how little civic duty any of them are actually feeling

We peacefully coexist or we don’t it’s just that simple once everything comes out in the wash

I trusted you until I noticed the knife you had so ruefully stuck in my back

What’s the point of holding a grudge when it will only make you weaker and more susceptible to further attacks?

This loneliness haunts me like a ghost with no recompense and I am starting to believe this human stain won’t dissipate no matter how much water I pour onto my raging inferno soul

Watching from across the room as I tear myself into the littlest pieces and parts

There’s no coming back from this permanent darkness not when your brain refuses to shutoff even for just an hour or two

Let’s cut the chitchat and stop pretending the investment we’ve made into each other wasn’t real or worth its weight in gold

Pick the words that best represent you and leave the rest to chance

Making it up while you go along is about the only life plan left that makes any sense

Turn down the heat and cool yourself off in the unbearable lightness of your own being

Charles Cicirella

2/11/18

The Life and Times of a Beatnik

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/charlespoet/episodes/2018-02-10T17_44_08-08_00

Desolation angels

Let’s take what’s left and try our best to keep it whole

Race across the country looking for your father

The Holy Ghost called and wants his martyr complex back

I was so bent out of shape I couldn’t get straight

All the country songs in the world won’t make me an alcoholic

I tried and I tried and still I did not fit in the skeleton keyhole

If you’re comfortable basking in someone else’s fifteen minutes there’s no hope for you

Doctor Sax

Sitting on the toilet writing your guts out while an exterminator looks for a clean needle

Living with your mother may not be all that, but when you’re cracking up it may be the very last safety net you have left

Streams of mediocrity wrap around my throat and silence my pangs for acceptance and alchemy

I desire to be free of all constraints, but I don’t wish to die if such a thing is even possible

I resist everything and everyone, but I have to admit waking up alone is getting old

I must pull my head out of my ass, but to do that I will need to discover some sunshine in my life pronto

Maybe I need to go to a library and get lost in the books before it’s too late

On the Road

When I was a kid I liked to go to 7-11 and eat a burrito on the wall outside the store

It made me feel like I was some kind of cool cat different than all the rest of the alley cats

Started to again buy frozen burritos and they do lend me some solace in these dark days

Woke up about an hour ago with that sinking feeling in my gut already taking hold

Charles Cicirella

2/10/18

Alone

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/charlespoet/episodes/2018-02-07T17_59_52-08_00

Listening to Craig Firsdon read one of his poems

The last thing I remember is picking up black material from one of my socks

I’m alone ever since my mother passed away in October

I have no family to speak of

My friends are the only family I have and they’re all busy with their own families

Am I feeling sorry for myself? No, not really. It’s just the truth and the truth will either whip me into shape or retire me as I attempt breaking back into the human race

Craig lays it all down in the moment and I’m alone with his generous, genuine spirit

As I listen I’m reminded how it felt hearing Lincoln deliver the Gettysburg Address

Yes, I was there or I like to believe I was because when moments are marked in blood we must push through history and relive the very best parts of our future and past selves

The porn does only so much and the art fills in quite a bit, but there is still something I’m missing as I look back and see only one set of footprints in the embryonic snow

Maybe God was carrying me or maybe just maybe I’ll forever be lost in this empty space

The grieving process takes time like standing in line at the airport or sinking your teeth into a juicy steak

Charles Cicirella

2/7/18

I Woke Up Screaming

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/charlespoet/episodes/2018-02-04T20_20_15-08_00

Woke up screaming

Nobody gives a shit

You’re told to reach out if you’re feeling bad,

But what good does it do if no one picks up the phone?

I’m lost in the narcissistic membranes of synapses that pay me no mind

The only thing that has ever made one iota of sense to me is the art and the art never fails me even when I fail myself

I woke up screaming like a Barbie with no head and whose Dreamhouse is under water

It’s like I hardly exist or I exist, but only to myself behind shutters the color of coal dust

Skate on the frozen ice and pray it does not crack and swallow you whole

I’ve always believed I was brilliant, but that does not feed nor clothe me no matter how generous my daydreams are

She told me she heard my message, but that she was going through her own depression and calling would not be possible at this time

I understand we have to be our biggest champions, but sometimes self-love just ain’t enough in these claustrophobic days and nights of continual terror

Woke up wishing I were dead

Woke up with ice water in my veins

Woke up feeling like I had swallowed Charlie Brown, the football and Schroeder’s piano

Woke up and texted a friend and that only made me feel worse

I am tired of being the only one there for myself

I had a dog when I was fourteen and didn’t fully appreciate him

I’ve done things my way for as long as I can remember and it hasn’t helped me one bit

I need a change of scenery, but don’t drive so I’ll exist behind these canvas curtains and pray God hasn’t completely forgotten about me

Charles Cicirella

2/4/18