Self Portrait 2

Ocala National Forest

Followed yellow butterfly
Discovered Evolution and Thought.

Charlie
8/6/2007


Wakefulness

There’s no objectification
There is no reason
No longer divided
Ready to fall

Woke Up
Sleep uneventful
No tossing
Little turning

I want for her to twist me
Around her littlest finger
Look into my eyes with her
Passion and her violence

There will be an Exodus
Nothing to do but wait
And crumble.

Charlie
8/6/2007


3

Don’t take drugs
Don’t drink alcohol
Don’t have sex
Wasn’t breastfed
Lactose intolerant
Threw away all my yellowing piss stained underwear
Threw her away just because I can’t seem to get straight
I’m narrow
Not often open minded
Weighed 120 pounds for a long, long time now I weigh 140 soaking wet
I’m about 5’2 maybe 5’3 if I stand on my tiptoes
I don’t hit myself in the face as much as I use to
Maybe it’s the Lamictal maybe not
Still swear like a sailor
Still not working enough to stand on my own two feet
Still writing poetry.

Charlie
8.08.2007


Swanson Classics Mexican Style Fiesta

I miss the aluminum foil tray
Miss God tucking me in at night
Don't miss Pontius Pilate passing the buck
Miss being Jewish and praying to one God.

I don’t miss beating myself up like a piñata
Don’t miss the frustration of being told no
Don’t miss not eating and not drinking
Don’t miss not feeling and not thinking.

I wish I’d not used all of the sour cream
Wish I’d taken it slower and easier with you
Wish I’d been a nicer more respectful boyfriend
Wish I had learned to love you before it was too late.

Charlie 8/9/2007 11:31 AM


FATE

you say eternity
I say infinity
let's call the whole thing off

you say oblivion
I say oblivious
let's get it on

Don't stop!

Charlie 8-12


Gin Rummy

I saw
I felt
I know

This heat
This fire
Your warrior heart
Your burning sun

No one is holding out any longer
We were hostages until shooting
Ourselves in the head

I saw you as a child
Spied you as an adult
Hiding in plain view
Terrified of being found out

I want to wrestle both our demons
Until there’s nothing left but shiny stones
I want to learn to swim, meet a mermaid
And settle down for good.

Charlie
August 17, 2007


Do Unto Others

It’s time to unwrap the package
A gift of angels
The sacrifice of a pale white horse
Regression replaced by rebirth.

I thought she got my sense of humor
Until she became permanently angry
Over my refusal to support myself.

Went out today to deposit my paycheck
Was in a trance as I overheard other’s conversations
Left a waitress a four dollar tip on an eight dollar bill
It’s time to unwrap this package.

Charlie
August 21, 2007 5:11 PM


Discipline

Smell the coffee
Smell God
Smell God brewing the coffee

Smell bodies burning
Smell God
Smell God burning the bodies

Is there any real discipline?
Our dogma dogmatic
Instant karma suspect

When push absolutely comes to shove
Is it better to be a do-gooder or a
Do-nothing?

Smell the moonlight
Smell God
Smell God hiding in the moonlight

Charles
August 29, 2007 11:13 PM


Convergence

Three Monarch butterflies came to visit me today
I believe they are protector spirits and that they
Not only represent God but are God.

I feel safe when you’re around
More certain of why I am here.
When cradled in your arms I feel
Less likely or willing to give up
On myself.

One Monarch flew straight at me, then virtually out of nowhere
A second one appeared, both danced around me making me feel
Happy and free.

God blesses me
Made it crystal clear
I wouldn’t die with the rest of them
That I was here for the young hearts.

Charles
September 1, 2007 12:03 AM


Convergence 2

A convergence must happen within
Before we can look our DNA in the face
And dispel all this negative energy
Taking hold.

Charles
September 1, 2007 12:48 PM