Saturday, April 26, 2008

no distinction no nobility no romance

We’re mired in shit - kissed oblivion smack dab on the lips and all we got was tongue – I push everyone away and then I wonder why I am alone – another dead man – dead poet – dead Jew waltzing to his grave – his last stab at fame and homosapien ill advised fortune – I wanted needed to watch the puppy dog Asian girl hostess bump and grind as she seated me and knocked me out with her big eyes and bigger virtues – here we are waiting our turn – turn to burn beneath a disingenuous sun – a sun that knows no wrong only right only fortitude and what it means to go the distance but still come up short like some serial killer who is afraid to pull the trigger and take their first victim – we’re all victims aren’t we? each and every one of us out there on the fringes before being pulled back into the fold and shown just how badly we need to be accepted – need to be loved instead of abused and conditioned to only love those who kill us with diseased kindness and strangulated Cyclops parenting misadventures – I am not coming out to play – rather stay locked deep inside with my dog Bogie – Noodle – my cat Abby – Pookie – find some other way to survive – to make all the freckles on my skin disappear or finally reconnect making me invisible once and for all – make me imperfect in the eyes of the supposed beautiful people who only know how to judge and hate – I am looking for Kong or a Universal Mother something or someone that can and will erase all this envy and jealousy baking inside of me like lava or lactose – we’re mired in our own rainbow bliss if only we could give ourselves half a chance to do more than just recover – more than just live another day – another resounding triumph – another horn of plenty blown – another insignificant other given the slip in this or that departmentalized store of urban waste and pisspot renewal – performing with you was so great – watching you perform was so true – we lit Doowac on fire with our ancient notes and futuristic strokes – infamy is in our rifle scopes – we are not scapegoats – will never be the patsy for a shadow government to use up like tampons or tissue paper – when we pull the trigger – tighten the noose - everything will change for the better – self preservation has seen us through – no more self denial – Anne Frank wanted me to tell you she is sorry for leaving so soon

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