Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Paul called.

Paul called and said he had the virus and the news rocked me to my core.
When he said you don’t think you’ll be the one who gets it I could hear in his voice that he was scared.
I told him if he needed anything, anything at all to call, but I knew that he wouldn’t because that’s just not in his nature to ask someone for help.

Paul likes to be the one who picks up the check and the one who never wants to feel he owes anyone anything as family money keeps him distant from feelings of any real weight.
We became close after my mother passed away and I found myself going up to his condo because I was tired of being by myself and tired of always being tired.
We’d take Lyft to Akron to meet with his dog trainers or out to some restaurant for dinner and it felt good having a friend in Cleveland and it was wonderful for once not having to explain where I’d been.

Things got bad though when I moved in and Paul realized he had bitten off more than he could chew.
I was fortunate to have another place to land because soon staying with him became unbearable and I needed somewhere for quiet reflection so I could begin to grieve the death of my mother and figure out my next move.
When I heard Paul’s voice on the phone it made me think of Saul on the road to Damascus and how at some point in all of our lives we’re led to a jumping off place where we either accept conversion or the worse fate of not being able to look ourselves in the mirror.

Paul called and I offered to walk Gabe because I desperately want to be of service and to show Paul that there are people who care about him and attach no strings to the friendship.
When he wouldn’t take back the key, I understood that he was trying his best to say he was sorry for not being able to do more and it was okay because in the short time we hung out I felt as if we’d become like brothers and he had nothing to feel guilty about.
I hope he calls and maybe we can pick him up some matzo ball soup from Jack’s or maybe he just needs someone to listen. I want to be that friend and for Paul to know someone has his back and cares very much what happens to him.

Charles Cicirella

No comments: