Porn
has gotten a hold of me and it won’t let go.
I
pray I come out of this black hole in one piece.
Things
used to be simpler. I could see a pair of tits and it was enough. Now I need the
whole enchilada with all of the toppings including sour cream and hot sauce!
We
begin as children sneaking a peek at our father’s Playboys and hoping no one is
the wiser.
It’s
like there’s something wrong with how we’re suddenly feeling and the shame
drives us into a deep, dark emptiness that some of us never quite escape from
again.
I
remember trying to find the word vagina in the dictionary and coming across
Virginia and becoming quite perplexed.
The
last week or so I’ve again found myself on a model cam sight. I tend to watch
the models from other countries. Kazakhstan has become a new favorite and of
course the Japanese, Korean and Chinese models never fail to leave me wanting
more.
We
trade in the shreds of our dignity for a shot at the fuzzy peach because we
believe one look and we’ll be set free from our daily labors and night terrors.
Nothing
could be further from the truth as I discover myself feeling even more lonely and
depressed as I slither from a room at six or seven in the morning wondering if
the baggage I’m carrying will ever become lighter and less damning.
Porn
has got me in a stranglehold and I cannot break free.
I’d
get down on my knees if I believed there was someone actually listening who
could wave a magic wand and make me a less obsessive compulsive horndog who wasn’t
always so concerned about his next conjugal visit with his right hand and the
release that may or may not come when everything is said and done.
Things
used to be simpler. You’d turn on Cinemax after everybody had gone to bed and
you’d watch people sort of having “sex” and just the thought of you doing this
naughty deed while your family slept upstairs was enough to get you off. Now
everything has changed and antiseptic porn just won’t do the trick and you need
harder core and more illicit images to push you over the edge.
Charles Cicirella
11/28/15
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