Sunday, February 04, 2018

I Woke Up Screaming

Woke up screaming
Nobody gives a shit
You’re told to reach out if you’re feeling bad,
But what good does it do if no one picks up the phone?

I’m lost in the narcissistic membranes of synapses that pay me no mind
The only thing that has ever made one iota of sense to me is the art and the art never fails me even when I fail myself
I woke up screaming like a Barbie with no head and whose Dreamhouse is under water
It’s like I hardly exist or I exist, but only to myself behind shutters the color of coal dust

Skate on the frozen ice and pray it does not crack and swallow you whole
I’ve always believed I was brilliant, but that does not feed nor clothe me no matter how generous my daydreams are
She told me she heard my message, but that she was going through her own depression and calling would not be possible at this time
I understand we have to be our biggest champions, but sometimes self-love just ain’t enough in these claustrophobic days and nights of continual terror

Woke up wishing I were dead
Woke up with ice water in my veins
Woke up feeling like I had swallowed Charlie Brown, the football and Schroeder’s piano
Woke up and texted a friend and that only made me feel worse

I am tired of being the only one there for myself
I had a dog when I was fourteen and didn’t fully appreciate him
I’ve done things my way for as long as I can remember and it hasn’t helped me one bit
I need a change of scenery, but don’t drive so I’ll exist behind these canvas curtains and pray God hasn’t completely forgotten about me

Charles Cicirella

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